SUMMER WORKOUT!

I wanted to record my workout progress somewhere so why not do it on my blog!
So I'm around 163cm, and I was around 105-106 pounds before university started.
First term, I didn't gain much but second term holy! In one week I gained 4 pounds.
So I think I was around 114 when I came back but when I weighed myself last monday I was 111 pounds!
So my mission for the next month or two is to get back to my 106 pounds!
I don't really care if I get to 106 but I want toned abs :)
hehe, I saved this picture to my computer as my motivation.

It's kind of embarrassing posting pictures of myself but I want to put my progress somewhere!

My before. I think my main goal is to become healthier and get a more toned body! :) 

my snacks and lunch for the past week! 

After a week of working out everyday and eating healthy! I see a little line!

(look at my sketchy yoga mat at the back, it's a towel. WHO WANTS TO BUY ME A YOGA MAT?!)

The difference?

But sadly this past weekend, I ate out for every meal. All you can eat at Spring Rolls, Sushi, Korean food, so I need to get back to the gym ASAP! Hopefully I'll get my toned arms, abs, legs and butt :3 hehe wish my luck! 

University Depression

I think I'm depressed. Not in a way that I need medical attention or I need to go into therapy, or not even the one where I have to take medicine. I have the typical university depression. This term SUCKS. The weather is disgusting outside, we've had 8 months of school and my marks have dropped 10-15%. I knew that engineering/university was hard, many many people told me. However, I thought I was strong enough to get through it....I guess not. So many people in my class seem like they have it all, time management, social life, and the BRAINS. They are so smart, I actually don't get how they get 90s to perfects. Here I am trying to pass my exams while they are trying to get perfects. If I'm having trouble now, how the hell am I supposed to do this for another 4 years?

And I feel like I'm losing so many of my close friends. I'm not even close with my floor mates anymore. I barely talk to them. Everyone around me seems like they are enjoying university.  The other day, I was thinking to myself, "Am I doing this university thing right?" Aren't you supposed to make memories? Like I do want to attend parties but at the same time, I don't want to because I'm so behind on work. I always see pictures on facebook, twitter and instagram of people partying...like st.patricks day for example. It looked so much fun, and at the end of 5 years, I won't remember the shear force of a rod but the memories I make with my friends....Can someone tutor me about life as a university student?

But it's not to say that I don't have any friends. I do have friends, but I feel very lonely. And I'm always tired. No matter how much I sleep, I'm always so tired. Oh and I feel like my relationship with God has gone very very low. Where is that Christie after she came back from Mexico Missions trip that was fired up with Faith? I feel so lost. I don't know what to do...university sucks ass....

just a month left to go...lab exam, lab report, term test, 939392 assignments and 4 exams to go. Sigh, university please go away.

I guess I should pray about this. 

Who Am I Winter Retreat 2013

Hello my beautiful readers. So I am back to tell you guys about the retreat I attended from January 2nd - 4th .  I've attended many retreats ever since I was really little but it was my first time going as a staff. I was one of the two girl staff that went. It was a totally different experience because I wasn't going to this retreat for myself, but for the kids. I was there to help them meet and strengthen their relationship with God.

During praying time, it was really sad to see all these kids crying because I've been there before. I know how lonely high school can be. I know the stress they are going through from getting bullied, finding their identity, and choosing a career. I wanted for them to meet Jesus and realize that He is always there for them.

I also realized that I needed to improve on my praying. I asked my pastor to recommend a book about praying and hopefully I'll have it by this month! I was also jealous of people who were gifted with praying. I SUCK at praying. I know it's from a lack of practice but at the same time, I always heard people praying in Korean. Hopefully, the book will make me a better prayer and strengthen my bond with the man up in theee skkkkkkkkkkkkkkky!

beautiful staff members :) 

Confused Christie.

Do you believe that your soul mate is somewhere out there? Do you believe that one day, you're going to meet this "soul mate," where you'll start texting/calling which will lead to numerous dates, and then one day you or he will ask the big question, "Will you merry me?" You'll get married in front of your friends and family, have kids (or cats/dogs for you children haters) and then live happily ever after.

The thought of "love" scares the crap out of me. Sure, we all say that we feel lonely and we want to date, but  when I think about it, dating someone is scary. Bringing my guards down and letting someone walk into my life is so frightening. He will get to know my insecurities and that's what terrorizes me the most. I have my personal secrets and insecurities that no one knows of. Kay not like I killed someone or other illegal crap (except for downloading music >8) but I don't want people come into my very personal bubble and finding these out. I'll have to open myself up. What if they don't like my imperfections? What if they judge me? I guess that's one of the reasons why I put my guards up when I get close to some of the boys I've met. That's why I lose contact with some of them or we don't become as close.

Hm, I'm so confused about myself right now. I'm trying to analyze my brain/feelings like the way my english teacher Mr.Macdonald taught us. I'll write here again once I figure everything out.

Happy New Years everyone.

Update: okay I was googling "why are we scared of relationships."

and one site had 12 reasons.

Reason 3 sums 97% of my phobia:

You’re afraid to let someone get to know you.

If you haven’t been in a lot of relationships, it might seem strange to let someone get to know you — to see you disheveled in the morning, to see you at your best and worst, to truly let someone into your life. You might think the only reason you seem desirable to anyone is because they don’t know you that well — because you have managed to put the best version of yourself on display — something you can’t necessarily do when you throw yourself into a honest relationship. But remember that you can’t hide forever and nobody is perfect. Your new boyfriend/girlfriend is not perfect, either. We’ve all received the memo, and we are all okay with it.

First Post as a University Student!

Hello blogspot and to my non-existent readers. It's been a couple of months since I last wrote. When one of my new university friends shared one of his blogspot on facebook, I remembered I had one myself. So here I am trying to write a couple of paragraphs summarizing my past 4 months as a university student. Okay, I'm an open book so I'll let everything out here.

Truthfully, TRUTHFULLY I went into Waterloo Engineering not 100% sure if engineering was the right path for me. I thought teaching was my  chosen career but I felt like engineering was my only choice after getting declined from my dream program at Queens. I admit I was scared because I knew there were geniuses in engineering (and there are a bunch) and then, there was me. With my fingers crossed hoping I wasn't the dumbest kid, I walked into my first class. There they were. 120 of future civil engineers siting in RCH110. Everyone looked SO SMART. Seriously, they looked SO SMART. There were more students than the number of seats so for the first couple of weeks you had to stand during our 4 hours of lectures if you were late. However, as the weeks passed, there were less students standing and more empty seats. I WAS DOING IT! I was surviving engineering. I wasn't one of those kids that dropped engineering and went crying to their mommy (but I wanted to a couple of times.) There were courses I hated like linear algebra (it should be called linear abstract english cause there was no math involved D: ) and physics. There was one course I enjoyed which was civil engineering concepts course, SURPRISINGLY.

Fast forward to the week of midterms. OH MIDTERMS. One every day for 5 days. We called it "hell week." I don't think I've ever studied that hard in my life and I guess it paid off. I did everything really well except for physics (62% HELL YEAH class average!) This is where it went downfall. I got cocky/overly confident about my student habits. After midterms I didn't study and it took a toll on me during exam week. I can say confidently that exam week was one of the worst weeks of my life. Calculus was the first exam and I thought I studied really well for that but walking out of that exam, I knew I screwed up. I came back to my room thinking, "how the hell am I supposed to pass the other exams when Calculus was supposed to my easiest?" The following week, I had remaining 3 of my exams in 5 days (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). OH MY GOSH, it was bad. I remember having a couple meltdowns for linear algebra exam and calling my mom telling her I'm going to fail. That course was going to be the death of me. I walked in knowing 70% of the course. I drew a picture on the exam and wrote "Should of studied more. Back to 1A." That's how bad it was.

During those two exam weeks I learned a lot of things about myself. When I called my mom crying about my linear algebra exam, she yelled at me. I was hoping she would comfort me with her motherly words, but she was lecturing me. She was right. There is no one else in this world that can take my exam for me. There is no one that will make me successful except for me. I also realized the value of family, more importantly, my parents. I remember writing blog posts about how much I hate them and couldn't wait to leave home. I was such a little brat. People would tell me "Oh you're going to have such a hard time if you go to Waterloo because it's so far," and I'd always laugh it off. BUT OH BOY was I homesick. I missed my mom's food, my dad's hugs, my awesome bed, my life back in Richmond Hill. I hated how my mom wasn't there to stay up with me if I had a project due the next day or how my parents would pray for me when there was an upcoming test. I never realized how FRIGGIG AWESOME MY PARENTS ARE. Let me show off a little bit now. Okay so the night before my linear algebra exam, I was walking back from the library. I called my mom and told her, "Mom I'm so hungry and there is no good food at the cafeteria at midnight." My mom asked me what I wanted and I told her that I wanted Kimchi fried rice. WELL MOTHER COMES THE NEXT DAY WITH PAPPA JEONG WITH 3 CONTAINERS OF KIMCHI FRIGGING FRIED RICE, A THERMOS OF FISH BALL SOUP, UDON NOODLES, AND A BUNCH OF OTHER FOOD. DAS RIGHT, be jealous.

LOL, this blog post is so useless. I came home and it was the night that all our marks were coming out. Wateroo engineering program is so mean. All the marks come out right at midnight. I was skyping with one of my good friends and telling her, "Dude I failed I failed I failed." The night before, I had a dream I got 13% on linear algebra. :'( The whole day I had a gut feeling that I would have to retake 1A next fall. When I finally had the balls to look at my marks, HOOOOOOOOOOOLY I looked up to the sky with a tear in my eye thanking the Lord for the marks. I mean, 79 in linear algebra. SEVENTY-EFFING-NINE. Not a 50 that I was aiming for but a frigging 79! I'm trying not to show off..(well maybe a little bit ;) ) but my overall average was 84 with 88 as my highest. HOLLA!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I can't make the same mistake and start being cocky. Next term I need to bring my A game. I think I'm confident that civil engineering is my right path. One of the goals I set for myself is to head to a developing country and build schools for them. :) I'm excited to go  back next term and learn with those engineers that survived 1A. 1B will have new challenges (LIKE CO-OP AHHHHH) but I know that I can get through it. God is always with me and I know he will help me face anything.

I'll be back with a better post some other day (probably after my church retreat) but for now, this long ass blog post willl due.

Here's a picture of me and my civies after our last exam. (These people are amazing not to mention smart! )

Youth Kosta '12

I've been to youth kosta 5-6 times now but I'm hesitant on where I should go or not this year. There are some reasons why:

1) I have to be a group leader.
There is nothing bad about this, but the fact that this is a korean retreat...and I'm more confident about my english than korean. As a group leader, you have to bring the group closer together and not make things awkward. I am SO SHY when I'm put into a group of strangers. How do I make everyone love each other and stuff? And as a group leader, I have to be a LEADER, as in I should be a role model to the other kids. Show them the love I have for God and stuff. I don't know if I can do that.

oh and I look like a grade 9. All the group members are going to be like "you're a leader? HAHAHAHA"

2) I love being at Kosta. I love how I can really connect with God there. How I really want to feel his presence. What ends up happening throughout the year is "oh, don't worry. I have Kosta to get closer with Him again." I use Kosta way of getting out of things. "oh I'll just be better and pray harder at Kosta." Also when I go to other retreats I have such high expectations for them because of Kosta. It's kinda hard to explain :S

I hate that feeling when you're back into the real world. You get so emotionally tired... You're on fire with God's love but as time passes, that starts to burn out. What you're left out is a lonely, scared Christie. But I guess if I go this year, I have to find a way to keep that fire for the rest of my life...which...is HARD. I



My pastor was telling us that we don't HAVE to go...but...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :'(








WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


well here is the promo video for it:

It's kinda funny

I was reading my old posts and it's funny because I was stressing over the stupidest things.

For example, I was so worried about driving. "I can't turn. I almost died." I thought I would never be able to drive, and look at me now. I take the car out without having to worry if I will crash into another car.

There were other things I was freaking out. Now that I look back on it, I didn't have to worry. Everything turned out to be okay. This shows me that I need to pause, breathe and have my life in the hands of God. In a couple of months, I'm going to look back and laugh at the times when I was scared about acceptances.

Enjoy now, because you'll never get it back.

:)