Youth Kosta

Youth Kosta is a christian organization that goes around the world and organizes retreats. Every year during march break, youth kosta comes to Toronto (more specifically Muskoka). Korean churches that live within the region are all invited. So during march break, I spend it with 250- 300 young christians seeking for that relationship with God.

is year is my fourth time going. As I grow older, I notice that these retreats excite me more. Before, I would be excited to go to the retreats because of the big sleepover, or just hanging out with my friends. I was never that interested in the "God" part. Last year though was a big change for me. As I was praying to God, I met him (: Yeah I can't really explain it but it was pretty cool. Youth Kosta has such a great atmosphere to connect with God.

But even though Youth Kosta is a great atmosphere, when I go home I go back to my old days - not reading my bible or praying. I guess all of us christians have it. Focus at retreat and then after a couple of weeks start slacking off. It's so hard to give our whole life to him. Thats why other religions such as muslims or people of the johovah witness amazes me because they pray to their God at least 5 times a week or they would go to jail for them.

Hopefully this year I can come back with a better and closer relationship with God (:

Bad Luck

Seems like bad luck loves to follow me around...

Got Me Thinking...

Last week, my English teacher was talking about the topic of abstract terms. How each of us have a different meaning of these words like love, courage, fear, etc. When we stumbled upon the definition of friendship, he told us his own definition of friendship. One statement that stood out from the rest was "someone you admire." That got me thinking. I started thinking of my friends on the top of my head and every one of them had a trait that I admired...except for one.

For many years, I always wondered why I was friends with this person. When I asked her a personal question she would often shrug or say "I don't know." I actually don't really know much about her. What subjects she is good at, what she wants to be, or what her parents do for a living. I guess she has a hard time telling people about her personal life, but seriously. Every time is not a clear answer. I don't admire you not because you're a bad person but you're not a good friend. Friends share their personal thoughts, stories but you clearly don't.

Single Awareness Day!

It's ALMOST VALENTINES DAY!

YAYY! ....not really.

One day I'm going to find that boy in the subway and then we're going to have that whole drama scene (you will only understand this if I told you about it :) )

Whenever valentines day comes around, it kind of makes me a little sad. With so many lovey dovey commercials with the whole "what are you going to get for your valentine?" it makes me depressed. AND THIS YEAR I FORGOT TO BUY CANDY GRAMS FOR MY FRIENDS. I told myself "I'm going to buy it on friday" but then i TOTALLY FORGOT. Sorry biffles. :(

Oh so I kind of wanted to talk about what Love is. KAY obviously, I don't know what romantic love is, but I know friendship love or family love. So this week my parents were trying one of their workers home and she looked around the age of 22? 24? And my parents told me she was married. I was like "SAY WHATTTTTTTTTTTT?" and mamma Jeong told me they only dated for 2 months.

TWO MONTHS!?

say whatttttt?

audience: "whattttttttttttt?"

I know right? I was so shocked. Like...not even high school relationship lasts 2 months. I guess they were REALLY REALLY REALLY in love. Like 2 months? whoaa :)

(this blog is soo random)

anyways ...have fun during valentines day...either crying or all giddy from getting those chocolates and flowers from your loved ones.

:'( I'll be in the corner crying...specifically in the essel classroom.

What God Means To Me

So for some of you guys that don't know I got confirmed this past christmas. Confirmed is basically baptism but since I already got baby baptized, it was just me confirming it. I had to write a little diary on what God means to me to my pastor, and now that I read it, I want to share it with you guys. :) Enjoy!

To many people, God is their role model, father and/or best friend. For so many years to me, God was a chore. Being born into a Christian family, I didn’t have a choice but was forced to go to church. Every Sunday, I hated waking up so early. I hated how my friends went out to the theatre or amusement parks without me on Sundays. Instead of having a 2 day weekend like everyone else, I had a one day weekend – Saturday.

When someone who is not born into a Christian family goes to church, they choose to believe in God. They want to get to know him better. They realize the difference between being a Christian and a non-Christian. From there, they get to choose whether or not they want God as their savior. For me, I didn’t get that chance. I didn’t fully understand the importance of God in someone’s life. When I was little, I didn’t know why I had to go to church. I just followed my parents.

Also, I felt like I had to believe in God right away. It felt like my parents were pressuring me to believe in God. Whenever my parents said “YOU BELIVE IN HIM RIGHT? YOU BELIEVE HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU?” I lied saying I did. Not only was it parents but also other people from church made it feel like there was some countdown. They would say, “Usually teenagers meet God at that age,” or “That’s the age where you’re most intimate with God.” Sometimes, I felt guilty for not meeting Him.

Last march, during Youth Kosta, I felt the presence of God. When I came back home, for the first few weeks, I was trying to be the best Christian I could be by reading the bible, praying to him every day and even attending morning services. As my old behavior started coming back, my parents started questioning me if I really met Him. They kept on asking, “Oh you’re changing back to your old self, are you sure you met Jesus during your retreat?” It got to the point where I started questioning myself as to whether I met him.

Over the past couple of months, God felt like a tutor to me. I know he is always there to help. He is always on standby when I need advice. I also started doing my QT again, and I’m trying to get closer with him. As school is getting harder and more stressful, I’m starting to realize that I really need him in my life. I need to hold his hand tightly so that he can protect me through the hardships. When I’m feeling scared for someone else or even myself, I pray to him. It feels good knowing that he is there listening to my worries.

In many ways, he has characteristics of a dog. He doesn’t judge me on who I am. He doesn’t stereotype me. He doesn’t exclude me. He loves me for who I am. Even though I might not always do the things he wants me to do, God still forgives me. My dog lucky, is always there sitting on my lap when I cry. She is there to bark at my dad when he starts yelling at me. God is there to hold me when I am sad. God is there to protect me from the devil. Like the saying, “A dog is a man’s best friend,” God to me is my best friend. I’m not saying God is a dog, but just implying that God loves me, like how a dog loves his owner. A dog would die for its owner, and that’s what God did for me. Jesus died on the cross so that I can live.

Even though I sometimes sadden, or anger him, I know that he is always ready to hug me and listen to my life’s worries. I hope that I can get closer to him through my prayers, and QT time.

Third Wheeler

So we've been really tight for these couple of years and now you're starting to ignore me.

I know you're one of those people that don't notice that your actions might hurt others but you're starting to get on my nerves. Ever since that other girl started hanging with us, you only talk to her and sit with her or whatever. When I came into church and you didn't save me a seat, I was pissed off. During lunch, you only talk to her. Yeah, and spending time with her on weekends because she lives like 2 minutes away from you is fine with me. NOT REALLY.

whatever. She can be your best friend from now on.

Because you're acting like this, I don't want to even go on march retreat cause I know I'll be the loser friend just watching you guys have fun.

SUCK MY DICK.

Lunar New Year

HAPPY LUNAR/CHINESE NEW YEAR YALL :)

It's one of the biggest holidays in asian countries where we celebrate it with our extended families and friends. It's a day where we eat so much food that we are on our backs rubbing our big fat tummies. It's a day filled with laughter and happiness.

Being born in Korea, I remember many traditions when it came to Lunar New Year. I would dress up in my "hanbok" (traditional korean dresses) and we would go to my grandparents house. We would do something called a "jul" where we bow our bodies to our elders to respect them. In return would be what chinese would call it "red pocket." When I was little, the only exciting thing was getting the money. I would try to do the jul as fast as possible to get it over with so I can smell my fresh green bills. As I have gotten older, and I moved to Canada, we didn't spend Lunar New Year as much. It wasn't that big because all our extended families were in Korea. During the first couple of years, I hated this time of year. I would imagine all my little cousins getting money and I was in Canada...with nothing.

Now that I think about it, I should be thankful for even being in Canada. Money is just something materialistic. I have started to realize that Lunar New Year is more than just money but it's about spending quality time with the ones we love and being able to wish each other a good year.

This year, a bunch of my church family friends are coming over. We are going to play traditional korean games and each family is bringing prizes like toilet paper, soaps, you know...the things we need in a house. My mom is making some huge feast with bulgogi, korean pancake, and other gazillion stuff. I'm pretty sure the little kids are going to be wearing their little hanboks and they will get their money. Maybe just maybe, I'll get some money to? :D

Well guys! Happy CHINESE NEW YEAR or LUNAR NEW YEAR! Be safe...with all the snow and stuff! And don't eat too much..you don't want to gain weight like me!

Me and my brother at my grandparents house. As you can see, my brother did his "jul" and I just ran away. I remember I was in the washroom crying because I was scared. :D

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL LOOK AT MY FACE. EW.

That's mini Christie :)