What God Means To Me

So for some of you guys that don't know I got confirmed this past christmas. Confirmed is basically baptism but since I already got baby baptized, it was just me confirming it. I had to write a little diary on what God means to me to my pastor, and now that I read it, I want to share it with you guys. :) Enjoy!

To many people, God is their role model, father and/or best friend. For so many years to me, God was a chore. Being born into a Christian family, I didn’t have a choice but was forced to go to church. Every Sunday, I hated waking up so early. I hated how my friends went out to the theatre or amusement parks without me on Sundays. Instead of having a 2 day weekend like everyone else, I had a one day weekend – Saturday.

When someone who is not born into a Christian family goes to church, they choose to believe in God. They want to get to know him better. They realize the difference between being a Christian and a non-Christian. From there, they get to choose whether or not they want God as their savior. For me, I didn’t get that chance. I didn’t fully understand the importance of God in someone’s life. When I was little, I didn’t know why I had to go to church. I just followed my parents.

Also, I felt like I had to believe in God right away. It felt like my parents were pressuring me to believe in God. Whenever my parents said “YOU BELIVE IN HIM RIGHT? YOU BELIEVE HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU?” I lied saying I did. Not only was it parents but also other people from church made it feel like there was some countdown. They would say, “Usually teenagers meet God at that age,” or “That’s the age where you’re most intimate with God.” Sometimes, I felt guilty for not meeting Him.

Last march, during Youth Kosta, I felt the presence of God. When I came back home, for the first few weeks, I was trying to be the best Christian I could be by reading the bible, praying to him every day and even attending morning services. As my old behavior started coming back, my parents started questioning me if I really met Him. They kept on asking, “Oh you’re changing back to your old self, are you sure you met Jesus during your retreat?” It got to the point where I started questioning myself as to whether I met him.

Over the past couple of months, God felt like a tutor to me. I know he is always there to help. He is always on standby when I need advice. I also started doing my QT again, and I’m trying to get closer with him. As school is getting harder and more stressful, I’m starting to realize that I really need him in my life. I need to hold his hand tightly so that he can protect me through the hardships. When I’m feeling scared for someone else or even myself, I pray to him. It feels good knowing that he is there listening to my worries.

In many ways, he has characteristics of a dog. He doesn’t judge me on who I am. He doesn’t stereotype me. He doesn’t exclude me. He loves me for who I am. Even though I might not always do the things he wants me to do, God still forgives me. My dog lucky, is always there sitting on my lap when I cry. She is there to bark at my dad when he starts yelling at me. God is there to hold me when I am sad. God is there to protect me from the devil. Like the saying, “A dog is a man’s best friend,” God to me is my best friend. I’m not saying God is a dog, but just implying that God loves me, like how a dog loves his owner. A dog would die for its owner, and that’s what God did for me. Jesus died on the cross so that I can live.

Even though I sometimes sadden, or anger him, I know that he is always ready to hug me and listen to my life’s worries. I hope that I can get closer to him through my prayers, and QT time.