currently my thoughts and emotions at the moment.

Temptations

One of our greatest goal is to be able to say no to our temptations.

Cute Story

So last week while I was studying the library I saw a bunch of grade 12s from my school in their prom dresses all glamoured up. The weird thing was that BSS' prom passed already, so I was like wtf?

And later that week, one of the girls uploaded an album called "faux prom" and I thought they were doing it just for fun, but turns out that one of their friends got sick the night of prom. They got all dressed up, ALL OF THEM so that they could make their friend attend "prom." I thought that was SO CUTE. How they would do that for her. :')

SO CUTE!

LA

I have trust issues.

RANT

You know what's really really annoying? A SOCIAL LOAFER

social loafing is the phenomenon of people exerting less effort to achieve a goal when they work in a group than when they work alone

Usually when I am in a group that consists of people that never do their homework, talk in class or don't even come into class, I usually lead and tell them the work that needs to get done. Sometimes it might be hard, but with the constant texting, yelling, messaging, and threatening, we get the work done. I never really had a time where one member did NOTHING.

What really sucks is when the person that does NOTHING is a friend of yours. Yes, I know what you're all thinking - why don't I just tell this person (lets call this person "Z") to contribute more to the group, because Z is my friend. Well what if Z is one of those people that act as if nothing is wrong? Act as if he/she is doing enough for the group? That thinks that he/she has the reasons to miss out on the 10 hours of building the project + 5 hours of filming?

And you know what is the WORST? Usually if you don't really care for this social loafer, you can tell your teacher that they did NOTHING, but if it is your friend, it's a totally different story. But at the same time, if the person was your friend, shouldn't they know that you care a lot for your marks and that they should work HARDER? And when I told Z that while me and my other group member were filming and dying, you replied with "Well, I told you guys I had a party to go to." You know what pissed me off? When it was 10pm and we called you during your party. You told us to stop calling you? I expected at least a "sorry for not being able to help you guys out."

When I told you to make the graphs for the project, all you did was sit there. The most distributive thing you did during this whole project was cleaning up, which took like 15-20 minutes. While I was making the powerpoint and everything, and the other girl was making all the graphs, what did you do? Seriously? Well if I asked you this personally, you would've been like "you never gave me the chance to help you with powerpoint...blah blah blah" Well for a person who is non tech savvy like you, I didn't want to ask, you would've accidently deleted our videos that YOU DIDN'T HELP OUT ON.

What pissed me off today was when we were presenting our project, you acted as if YOU DID WORK. When we were setting up the demo and all that other crap, you acted as if you were so professional at it. NO. I was the one that set up that part for 5-6 hours the day YOU WERE AT A PARTY. And speaking of the party, when you usually have a group project to work on, you usually pass down on the invitation to the party. You don't even know how much trouble we had to go through that day. WTF

Back to the presentation part. And when we were watching the bloopers, you were saying "It makes me so sad to see all these fails." WELL YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE. YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE IF WE WERE DYING. And when we were telling our teacher that he can watch it on youtube, you acted as if you knew everything. YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT OUR VIDEO UNTIL LIKE 2 HOURS BEFORE THE PRESENATION. "Oh you can just search it online...search ____________ and it should show up." You know what? SHUT UP. Sometimes you act as if you're always right but sometimes they are DEAD WRONG. And when you were so sad that the class didn't laugh at one of the videos, I thought to myself "well, it wasn't even your idea, you weren't there to record it, you didn't even edit it."

When my other group member straight on asked you " SO Z WHAT DID YOU CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROJECT?" Even you had a frigging hard time answering that question. "uh, I helped build the last part" OH THE PART WE ENDED UP TAKING OUT CAUSE IT DIDN'T WORK. And the day you came to work on it, you left at 6. Wait you always left at 6 or you didn't even come, when I stayed until 11 to finish up.

When I had to put in our powerpoint file and videos onto the teachers computer, I actually didn't want to put your name on the file folder. Seriously, the mark you're getting is not fair.

I love you sometimes, but this project actually made me so pissed off. Next time, I'm not partnering up with you.

My TESTIMONY VERSION 2.0

kay I uploaded this before....but...I'll upload it again...cept I added like 2 more paragraphs. LAWWL ENJOY?

To many people, God is their role model, father and/or best friend. For so many years to me, God was a chore. Being born into a Christian family, I didn’t have a choice but was forced to go to church. Every Sunday, I hated waking up so early. I hated how my friends went out to the theatre or amusement parks without me on Sundays. Instead of having a 2 day weekend like everyone else, I had a one day weekend – Saturday.

When someone who is not born into a Christian family goes to church, they choose to believe in God. They want to get to know him better. They realize the difference between being a Christian and a non-Christian. From there, they get to choose whether or not they want God as their savior. For me, I didn’t get that chance. I didn’t fully understand the importance of God in someone’s life. When I was little, I didn’t know why I had to go to church. I just followed my parents.

Also, I felt like I had to believe in God right away. It felt like my parents were pressuring me to believe in God. Whenever my parents said “YOU BELIVE IN HIM RIGHT? YOU BELIEVE HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU?” I lied saying I did. Not only was it parents but also other people from church made it feel like there was some countdown. They would say, “Usually teenagers meet God at that age,” or “That’s the age where you’re most intimate with God.” Sometimes, I felt guilty for not meeting Him.

In grade 7, I had a big fight with a girl from our grade at church. It led to a situation where she got all the other people from our grade to hate on me. Every Sunday I would hate going to church. I hated how I sat by myself during service and would see the girls having a fun time. I hated how no one could understand me. I was mad at God for making this happen. From the fight, I went farther from God. I shut myself away from church. I wasn’t as outgoing anymore, and I was very quiet. I didn’t like talking about my life at church because it meant that I got get hurt again.

Last year, during Youth Kosta, I felt the presence of God. When I came back home, for the first few weeks, I was trying to be the best Christian I could be by reading the bible, praying to him every day and even attending morning services. As my old behavior started coming back, my parents started questioning me if I really met Him. They kept on asking, “Oh you’re changing back to your old self, are you sure you met Jesus during your retreat?” It got to the point where I started questioning myself as to whether I met him.

For the past 10 weeks, I sat during the셀제자훈련 (the 10 week bible study program) for two hours wondering what 임효택 부장님 (my teacher who spoke in Korean) was saying. Half the things that were coming out of his mouth did not make any sense. I would frequently ask my classmates to translate what he was saying. Even though I had a hard time understanding what the teacher was saying, I learned something. I learned a new way to communicate with God. I was never the type to read the bible everyday or go to morning services. When 임효택 부장님 told us to write a journal to God, I thought it was a stupid idea. But when I started to write to him, I felt much closer to him. Pouring out all my problems to him made me feel happier. Now whenever I am having a difficult time or need a question answer, all I do is start writing.

Being a Christian is never easy. I believe that He put each of us on Earth for a reason. God created us so that we can accomplish the task he has given us. Even though there might be barriers and challenges along the way, all we need is God to help us.

confusion

You know that feeling where you're sad, but you don't know why?

and you go all depressed and stuff? but you just don't know why the hell you're feeling that way?

DAY CUATRO: SEVEN FEARS OR PHOBIAS

1) Spiders or any other bug.

2) Failing in life.

I want a bright future. :(

3) Not being accepted by society

4) Apiphobia- Fear of bees

5 )Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes

6) Ornithophobia- Fear of birds.

7) Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts.

DAY TRES : Eight things that annoy you

1) Emotional Whores

Me and my friend at church have been observing this girl now for the past month. She comes into service, pokes the guy, talks to him blah blah blah, but it's so obvious he is so not her type. He is the nerdy, geeky, really awkward around girls type while the girl goes for guys that are...you know...cooler? I don't know but it feels like she is playing him. UGH, like stop playing with guys. Pick one and stick with it you noob.

2) People who don't reply

If I talk to you, don't act as if you didn't frigging hear it. You have ears, and when I say "can you reply" and you say "I'm listening to music" YOU CLEARLY HEARD ME. My nagging about you not replying can be avoided if you said "okay" or "yes" from the start. UGH

3) Girls who have those princess syndromes

You know, the ones that think all the guys go for them, or they are the prettiest one in the world. The one who is always holding a mirror, and doing that "squint face in front of mirror and think they are so cute" No, stop squinting, and stop flirting with all the guys, you ain't so pretty.

4) Clingy people

Well, I think I'm being a hypocrite cause I can be clingy too...kinda? Well this one is kinda self explanatory

5) People who don't study and complain about it later

If you don't study, that means you don't care about your mark....so shut up when you realize the mark you are getting. Like seriously, you don't do your homework, study last minute, and then complain saying "WTF THE TEACHER IS SO STUPID"...ugh. Like I complain about my mark sometimes, but I actually STUDY even though..its like...last...minute..8-)

6) When non-koreans idolize korean music

I don't know. It pisses me off when non-koreans upload pictures of all these korean celebrities and they all talk about them. I'm being mean, but it pisses me off for some reason. :\ They go "OMGOSH _____ IS SOOO SEXY " or "KAWAII, OMOGOSH THEIR NEW SINGLE IS SOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHH" ....well if its a little, then i'm fine, but if you go all wild , then gtfo. :) (SOME PEOPLE ARE EXCEPTIONS)

7) People who think they know me

they go, "you'll probably do/say this." No, I would not do that. Stop predicting what I'll act out. ugh, my grandma does this. "She's mad cause of _______" No.

8) ughh....ughhh.....ughh....OH PEOPLE WHO WISHPER TO THE PERSON NEXT TO THEM WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU.

Why don't you just frigging say it out loud cause it looks like:

1) you're talking about me

2) you're being rude :)

DAY DOS: Nine things you do everyday

1) Tweet (:

I know you guys are dying to know what I'm doing throughout the day. The only texts I've been getting is from twitter...well....kinda. (:

2) Tumblr and Facebook

Yeah I'm such a typical teenager. I always check if someone reblogged my photos are wrote on my wall. Follow me on tumblr guys :) click here

3) Msn

Yup, I feel like I'm going on it too much. I sleep at 1-2 and I tell myself "wtf did I accomplish by going on msn?" sigggh, but it's so FUN D:

4) Nap

I just took a nap from 5-9. I missed dinner. :(

5)Shower/Wash Face

I clean, so everyone else should clean too. I don't wanna smell some next level BO and think that its me, CAUSE ITS ALWAYS SOMEONE ACROSS THE WHOLE ROOM D:

6) Procrastinate :)

I don't do my homework. :) I haven't done my homework for ....the past 3 months :)

7) SM:)E

You can never go through a day without smiling :)

Smiliing and laughing makes you live longer MUAHHAHAHA

8) SNEEZE

omgosh, I have year round allergies to dust and the school isn't the best place you can be. If you have classes with me, you know how my sneeze sounds like. Everyone laughs at it :(

9) uhh, can't think of last one ....I breathe. thank you for reading. bye :)

DOING ANOTHER 10 DAY CHALLENGE :) DAY UNO!

Be happy kitties!

DAY UNO - 10 things about myself (this is always the day one of all the challenges)

1) Imagine a frog dying. Yup thats how my voice sounds right now. RIBBIT RIBBIT (but a dying version)

2) I have to pee right now but I'm too lazy to get up and walk to the washroom.

3) the basement is so cold. My dad turns the AC high, so while the 1st and 2nd floooor are heaven, the basement is an igloo.

4) I need the motivation to run. I've been saying for the past month or two that I was going to wake up early and jog...cept it never happened. Anyone wanna give me a wake up call.....and stay on the phone with me until I actually get up. I always do that whole ..."kay I'm up" next second: dead asleep. HAHAHAHHHAHAHA :)

5) I find it disgusting when my towel is wet. Like it is MY towel. Who told you to use it? Yeah, it feel so disgusting imagining my brother putting his dirty face over my towel

6) I have an MRI scan this sunday. Guess what time? Not 8pm. Not 8am. Not 10pm. 2AM. YAY! WOOT WOOOOOOOT! -,- the hell.

7) I have the same blankets for my bed in the summer and in the winter. 2 winter blankets (Y)

8) I have no eyebrows. They are non-existent. My friends laughed at me once. We took a picture, and my eyebrows were actually gone. :( I should draw them in with permanent marker :)

9) I like poop...like poo objects like.. key chains and stuff :) but not the actual poo itself. That just stinks (HAHA GET IT ...laugh =.= )

10) Some girls at my church are so annoying. They really need to get slapped in the face. Or get water thrown at them. The make up will come off of them and will reveal their manly faces. HAHAHHAHAH that sounded mean....but seriously =.= they need a reality check.