Start Over

Sometimes I want to move to a new town.

Start all over at a high school where no one knows my past, secrets, insecurities, and failures.

I want to a group of best friends like in the movies, where they call you and chill with you. Where you don't always make the plans. Where they need your advice, tell you secrets and want to spend time with you.

Because these days, I feel like I'm the one trying to keep a friendship going but nothing happens.

Don't you hate that feeling when you come second to those you put first?

Stupid Feelings

• so tired that you feel like you're going to throw up
• so lonely
• 
• falling asleep with your pillow wet from the tears
• so confused about who are are
• remembering your embarrassing moments that your whole body shivers
• asking yourself "WTF WAS I THINKING" when you remember the guys you liked in the past
• questioning why you're up so late doing nothing
• "Am I making the right decision in life?"

Habits/Pet Peeves

• I bite my nails but it's not as bad anymore :)
• I hate it when my lines are not straight - fraction lines, square root signs, charts
• when people act like they didn't hear me. You heard me, so reply. Don't be like "oh I never heard you." or "I replied." No you didn't
• You ask people for something, and they go "I need it for later" "I'm using it at the moment." No you're not. I need the whiteout for like a second and I'm not going to use the whole thing.
• I hate it when the doors are opened when I'm sleeping. It has to be closed. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and see a shadow of a murderer D:
• When people don't stare at you when you're talking. Like I know some people are shy and all that, but staring at your bowl of rice the WHOLE time is rude (cough brother)
• When people say I don't know to EVERYTHING. Like dude, I think you know what you ate for lunch, or what mom said 2 minutes ago.
• I have a habit of talking really really loudly without noticing how loud I'm being. I got this trait from Mamma Jeong. :(

I WISH

I wish I...

• was a bit taller
• had smaller face
• had no acne
• had a smaller nose
• had straight, long hair
• had longer, skinner legs
• had flat tummy
• had toes that weren't all the same size
• had eyes that both had double eyelids
• didn't have such a high baby voice
• was more photogenic
• was smarter
• was more caring

and a million other things, but at the end of the day, I have to learn to live with this. Plastic surgery can be an answer to many of these wants, but I must learn to accept who I am. Self-acceptance comes before anything.

No matter how many people say "Oh my gosh you're so ______" it won't mean ANYTHING unless you believe it yourself. My friend said to me "You're _____" and I said "thank you thank you."

He said, "You're the one that needs to believe it though."

Can Two People Be In Love Forever?

When I was little, I thought asian parents never got divorced, only white people did. Our asian parents had their asian parents who had really strong traditional opinions about marriage. You get married, and you stayed married for life. But now that I got older I see many of my asian friends' parents who are not together anymore.

Just yesterday I asked my parents, "Mom, I don't know how two people will stay together and love each other for 50-60 years." and my mom replied, "You don't love each other for 50-60 years. You just learn to deal with each other, like how your grandparents are." It's true though. My grandparents fight everyday, and they never agree with each other, so why are they still together?

I guess now divorce is such a light topic that everyone doesn't think of it as shocking as it was a decade ago. Now if you get a divorce it's not a big deal. It's not expensive and it can be done in minutes. You see it in the magazines all the time, "Celebrity _____ divorces with _______." With all the scandals, lies, and betrayal that comes with love these days, it's pretty scary to know you might be in that kind of situation in the future.

One out of two couples get a divorce. Think about it. You get married. You're best friend gets married. Out of the two of you, one of your marriages will end. How do you know if you truly found the love of your life? If your partner cheated on you, will you give them a second chance or let go of them? Can two people stay in love forever?

One of those Facebook Notes

I don't know why but the format for this turned out funny. :\

well this blogpost is really boring anyways.

read it when you're really really really bored.

I'm never going to this again :\

1. what are three ways to win your heart?

• personality
• trust
• laughter

2. do you like lightning?

• it's alright when I stay home
• not alright when I go out because it makes my mood crappy

3. have you ever cut someone else’s hair?

• nope. Unless one of you guys want me to 8))
• I have the hands of a professional haircutter

4. last person you said ‘i hate you’ to?

• probably parents out of anger but I still lavvvv them!

5. rain or sunshine?

• sunshineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee because it brings sunshine to your life! (wow this blogpost is going to be SUPPPPPPER boringg!)

6. last stupid thing you said to anyone?

how am I supposed to remember?

7. biggest turn off?

swearing.

8. fave disney movie?

FINDING NEMOOOOOOOO: JUST KEEP SWIMMING JUST KEEP SWIMMING

9. would you date someone who smokes?

nope. stinkkkkkkkky. PEE YOU.

10. would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

nopeee.

1) bad influence

2) parents will literally kill me and him.

11. what’s your biggest turn on, physically?

I have a thing for Adam's apple. LAWWWWL

12. would you have sex w. someone you weren’t dating?

No sex before marriage yall. (A)

13. have you ever missed someone and regretted breaking up with them?

FOREVER ALONE.

14. have you ever dated someone more than once?

FOREVER ALONE.

15. if you could go on ONE DATE with any celebrity, who would it be?

a korean celebrity 8))

16. what’s your relationship status?

FOREVER ALONE.

17. do you like cuddling?

FOREVER ALONE.

18. do you hold grudges?

yup I do. I usually do the "ignore person" thing but it only lasts a couple of days :)

19. do you regret dating anyone?

FOREVER ALONE.

20. hugger or kisser?

hugger . (:

21. missing someone?

nope. I'm find by myself. FOREVER ALONE.

22. most important lesson you’ve learned from your exes?

wtf is up with these stupid questions.

FOREVER ALONE.

23. are you happier single or in a relationship?

LAWL. FOREVER ALONE.

24. how important are looks?

I guess it's how you get someones attention, but they are not a big deal.

Been learning these past years that personality is more important than looks.

25. would you rather date someone who was SUPER-HOT or someone who was nice?

nice. What comes along with super-hot are those trails of girls that wanna get in that guys pants.

26. do you stay friends w/ the people you’ve dated?

FOREVER ALONE.

27. would you fight over someone you wanted to be with?

I don't get the question.

28. do you kiss on the 1st date?

LAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL

omg these questions are so stupid. Why the hell am I doing this?

29. if someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them?

Depends? I don't know.

31. are you spoiled?

I would like to think that I am not.

32. name three things you would not tolerate in a relationship?

• lying
• rudenesss
• mistreating me as a piece of crap.

33. which one of your friends do you think would make a good prostitute?

8)) JENN TAI (it's a joke)

34. did you miss anyone today?

Wasn't this asked previously?

No I'm fine by myself.

35. last person to see you cry?

Kevin Cheuk? In physics. sniff sniff :(

36. Who/what made you cry?

Bitchy biology student teacher.

37. are you a forgiving person?

Whatever. My biology mark is in her hands.

40. are most of your friends guys or girls?

I think they are even. 50/50

41. how long does it take you to get ready to go out ?

a little under an hour if I have to shower.

If i don't..20 minutes?

42. how many people do you know of named Adam ?

*checking fb*

ONE! I know his korean name (:

43. are any of your friends cheerleaders ?

at least 1.

44. what was the last thing you burnt ?

Almost burnt the house down. LAWWL Omg got killed by dad.

46 what color is the bra you have on now?

pinkish beige?

wow this is actuallly so stupid.

47. do you straighten your hair every day?

No. I tie it these days.

51. did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?

FOREVER ALONE.

52. did you ever cry during a romantic movie?

Yes Yes. (:

53. would you leave the house without makeup on?

yuppie (:

54. what’s the biggest turn on about guys?

You already asked me this.

Well if they smell good (:

55. are you a girly-girl, tomboy, or in the middle?

Middle.

59. have you ever stole?

nope...at least I don't remember

61. do you wear sweat pants?

I only have one. Well when I'm at home (:

62. do you know anyone who has lost their virginity?

Nope. All my friends are asian with asian parents :)

63. have you ever ran into a door because you didn’t see it?

yes. I lose brain cells everyday cause of that.

65. do you like hugs and kisses(xoxo:))?

"hugg-lover"

LAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL

67. ever made a prank phone call?

yup. Lolest thing you can do at a sleepover.

68. last kiss?

FOREVER ALONE.

69. what bill do you hate paying most?

my twenties :(

72. favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a guy?

talking & laughing (:

75. what famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?

a looooot of people . (:

76. what famous person would you like to sleep with?

Well I gotta marry them first. NICKHUN (:

78. what do you hate about your school?

basically everything except the friend part.

79. last person whose bed you laid in besides your own?

I do not remember (:

80. have you lost a friend recently?

kindaaa . never talk to certain people anymore . ):

81. ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?

no. Mommmma jeong won't allow it ): But i think it would be fun :P

82. do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

yes to the point where if I don't put smiley faces, people think there is something wrong with me

83. is it easier to forgive, or to forget?

neither .

84. do you give out second chances too easily?

yaaah...but I don't know. I feel bad :S

85. is your best friend pretty?

very very very very.

86. is it awkward when you run into your exes?

FOREVER ALONE.

87. have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?

yes. not very comfortable and it's scary knowing other cars are staring at your ass.

88. can you make yourself cry?

I just tried this right now. Not working...just gotta go to the washroom more now.

89. is your life simple or complicated?

complicated. :/

90. are you easily confused?

YES. OMG. I hate this about me.

92. are you taller than 5′4″?

I'm part of the itsy bitsy club.

93. have you treated someone like crap?

Yeah. (A)

94. is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?

yup. Parents won't let me dye it :(

95. does everything really happen for a reason?

yup. God made a whole plan for us before we were born :)

If I had a MILLION smackeroonies!

1. 10% to church, so that would be $100, 000

• God has the power to give you something, but has the power to take it back
• you must thank God for what he gives you by giving back :)

2. Send my parents on a cruise ship!

• they never went on a cruise!
• and they need a break off their stressful life and recharge!

3. Going to be a little selfish and go on a shopping spreee!

• I'll buy my parents stuff so I'm not being totally selffish!
• I always wanted to buy a lot of stuff, but I never really had the money :\

4. Donate to charity of course!

• I'll donate to doctors without boarders!
• oh and red cross because of the recent Japan earthquake

5. Go to korea!

• and buy lots of pretty korean stuff! Don't worry I'll buy you guys stuff :D

6. Put it all in the bank!

• for future use like university, marriage, blah blah blah

7. ALMOST FORGOT. BUY A CAR. YES A CAR. (: VROOM VROOOM!

DAILY COMPUTER ROUTINE

First hour when I'm on the computer:

• not tired
• finds funny things funny, stupid things stupid
• brain function : normal

2-3 hour:

• starts to get tired
• "oh I should start homework now"
• brain is somewhat normal

3-5 hour:

• tired
• started a little bit of homework at this point
• brain: dead

5-on:

• crazy
• screw homework
• brain: retard mode
• finds everything funny

Stuff

I've noticed you have way more people to talk to than me. Do you even consider me as your best friend anymore? You never tell me about the events that occur in your life. Seems like you're not trying to stay as close friends.

Competition

I feel like I'm not going to get into any university. Why would they choose me anyways? There are thousands of other students wanting to go into the same program as me that have better marks, community involvement, etc. Even if I get in, and I graduate (unlikely) how will I get a job? There are hundreds of thousands of people looking for the same thing as me.

There are so many smarter more qualified people out there. Where do I stand?

A Letter To Myself

Dear Christie,

Why are you still up at 1:30 in the morning eating spaghetti? Didn't you say you were going to change your lifestyle? What happened to trying to sleep earlier and conquering your midnight cravings? What happened to all the goals you set before grade 11 started? "Oh I'm going to study every night!" or "I'm not going to let facebook, youtube, blah blah blah make me procrastinate." It was so easy to say those words, but now that you're here, it's so hard.

You always compare yourself with other people. Why do you do that? Why do you compare your marks with other students? You know you can never be smart as them. Why do you compare your looks with other pretty/beautiful girls? You know you can never look like them. Why do you compare your life to theirs? You can never be who they are. I hope that one day you'll understand that you are perfect the way you are, and that God created you to be you. Not anyone else.

I want you to be happy in the future. I want you to find that career you want to go into. I want you to get into that university and study hard. I want you to proud of who you are. I want your parents to go around and say "Oh, well my daughter is this ______, and I'm so proud of her." I know right now, it's hard for you to imagine it but with the help of God, you can reach that successful point.

Sometimes life might be hard. It might feel like everyone hates you or wants you to be at rock bottom, but always know that there are those friends, or your parents, and especially God beside you. Hold God's hand while you're walking down the path of life, and everything will be alright. I love you. ^^

Sincerely,

Christie

ps. do your bible study homework, or your teacher is going to kill you. ):

UPDATE!

So I'm ditching the 50 Day challenge...the rest of the challenges are stupid (:

DAY SIX: List of What you Ate Today

• in the car to church, I ate a banana
• at church, my parents work in the kitchen, so before service, I stole some bulgogi + rice + kimchi (Love how my parents work there so I can get free food)
• after service, i ate a whole load of stuff for lunch, rice + tofu + shrimp + noodles + salad + meat + other other stuffffff
• After volunteer I got ketchup chips for helping out!
• after I came home which was around 5, I was hungry so I ate the bulgogi that the kitchen gave us :) WOOT WOOT
• just now I ate dinner (by myself D: ) which was bulgogi again LAWWWL
• and I just finished eating a banana :)

weeeeee!

DAY FIVE: A Photo of you taken recently!

I tried to be fobby, and I think I failed :P

DAY FOUR: A person that you hate most or caused you a lot of pain

I don't hate people that often, I just dislike some people, but this one person caused A LOT of pain on me. Lets call this girl "SG" (her initials)

So I think this was in grade 7 or 8. At this age, I was really close with all the other kids my age at church, especially the girls. Then something happened, where SG and I got into a fight over....I don't even know anymore. She got all the kids my age to start hating on me. The things she said to me on msn, I still remember. Every sunday I would go to church and be miserable. I would sit myself in the corner. She gave me the death glares, and at that point, I really wanted to quit going to church. I would beg my parents to move churches, but they weren't on my side. They were saying how I was probably the one that made all this happen. Well, she moved back to Korea and now I'm fine at church. But it took 2-3 years for everything to settle down.

But this is happening all over again at church but to another girl. I heard she moved churches. I hope she knows that she has other friends like me that she can talk to. Church drama is actually so much stupider than school drama. =.=

DAY THREE: A Talent of Mine

I don't think I have many talents..I can't dance, rap, play the violin, whateverr....but I can...

WHISTLEEE!

Yeah, I have to admit myself that I can whistle pretty well. I can do 3 octaves (: lallalalallala. It pisses off my parents sometimes when I whistle in the car. Why can't I be good at singing instead of being good at whistling :). So when I was younger, I would joke in my head about making my own whistling team. If everything doesn't work out in the future, I'll become a professional whistler...and live in the streets. LAWWWL (:

what other talents do I have? Can't think of any D:

DAY TWO: Your Favourite Movie

I have many favourite movies but some of them are Eight Below, Transformers, and Tangled.

Eight below is a movie about a bunch of huskies left behind in the arctic and they have to survive by themselves. It's actually so sad. CRIED A LOT WITH MY MAMMA.

And transformers 1 and 2 are so damn good! Can't wait for the 3rd one to come out this JULY! Who wants to watch it with meeeee?!

I love chick flicks too. I watched back up plan last weekend and it's soo cute. But like what my friend says, it makes your expectations for guys so much higher, but still, it's soo addorable.

I can't watch horror movies. Like, I will die in the middle of it. Unless you want me to rip your limbs off, then its good to let me watch my chick flicks or action movies. But if you really really want me to watch it, and you can make me calm down, then sure why not?

50 Day challenge! Day ONE

I decided to do another one, but some of them are a little stupid, so I'll skip a few days, but it gives me more ideas to write about.

Day ONE: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day

• was supposed to wake up at 7:45, but ended up waking at 8:10
• washed my hair, got ready, didn't eat breakfast
• as usual, I was late to school :(
• we had a nice supply for english that didn't care what we did in class so I finished my physics lab
• in chemistry, we did a lab, pretty boring I guess, nothing exploded :(
• for lunch, my friends ate at Mr.Sub, and I ate my own homemade lunch
• for bio...we just did review for my triz tomorrow (should start studying?)
• physics, fell asleep (had the biggest headache in life)
• alice's mom gave me a ride to essel
• at essel, took a hour nap and ate my dinner that mamma packed me
• did my homework with my other essel friends
• bought a XL hot chocolate from timmmmies, won a free coffee!
• after essel, ate out with the family at pho
• came home at 10
• its 11:34, should start my homework D:

Simple Ways to Make Me Happy (:

1) Buy me pho (My parents told me to go marry a boy whose parents own a pho restaurant)

2) Tell me a funny story/joke

3) Laugh with me (:

4) Ask me for my help (I like when people ask me...makes me feel smart :D )

5) Come and ask me how I'm doinggggg

6) Give me a ride home (LOOOOOOL)

7) Tell me funny memories we had

8) Laugh at my jokes (cause they are obviously hilarious!)

9) Read my blogs (even though they are sometimes really really boring)

10) Make me food (give me icecream)

11) and like 10 million other things!